The Mechanical Contrivium

Lizzie présente....
The Mechanical Contrivium!!!
(ou le Générateur Autumatique de Bêtises, selon mon frère!)


The Mechanical Contrivium: Lizzie

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Lizzie!

1 Cats use their lizzie to test whether a space is large enough for them to fit through!
2 South Australia was the first place to allow lizzie to stand for parliament.
3 Human beings are the only animals that copulate while facing lizzie!
4 Pound for pound, hamburgers cost more than lizzie.
5 Twenty-eight percent of Microsoft's employees are lizzie.
6 Lizzie can smell some things up to six miles away.
7 The original nineteenth-century Coca-Cola formula contained lizzie.
8 There is no lead in a lead pencil - it is simply a stick of graphite mixed with lizzie and water!
9 The moon is 400 times closer to the Earth than lizzie, and 400 times smaller!
10 A chimpanzee can learn to recognize itself in a mirror, but lizzie can not!





Consult the Contrivium

http://thesurrealist.co.uk/trivia.pl?subject=lizzie&gender=f

The Mechanical Contrivium: The Loch Ness Monster

Ten Top Trivia Tips about The Loch Ness Monster!

1 According to the story, Pinocchio was made of the Loch Ness Monster!
2 A sixteenth century mathematician lost his nose in a duel over his love for the Loch Ness Monster, and wore a silver replacement for the rest of his life.
3 The military salute is a motion that evolved from medieval times, when knights in armour raised their visors to reveal the Loch Ness Monster.
4 It takes more than 500 peanuts to make the Loch Ness Monster.
5 Humans share about fifty percent of their DNA with the Loch Ness Monster.
6 More than one million stray dogs and half a million stray cats live in the Loch Ness Monster!
7 Birds do not sleep in the Loch Ness Monster, though they may rest in her from time to time.
8 It is bad luck to light three cigarettes with the same the Loch Ness Monster.
9 Bees visit over three million flowers to make a single kilogram of the Loch Ness Monster.
10 Edinburgh imports three thousand kilograms of the Loch Ness Monster every year!

nessie a écrit:

The Mechanical Contrivium: The Loch Ness Monster

10 Edinburgh imports three thousand kilograms of the Loch Ness Monster every year!

Ten Top Trivia Tips about ChouetteStreet!

1. ChouetteStreet was named after ChouetteStreet the taxi driver in Frank Capra's 'It's a Wonderful Life'!
   
2. ChouetteStreet cannot be detected by infrared cameras.
   
3. Japan provides over thirty percent of the world's ChouetteStreet supply!
   
4. The ace of spades in a playing card deck symbolizes ChouetteStreet.
   
5. Carnivorous animals will not eat another animal that has been hit by ChouetteStreet.
   
6. ChouetteStreet cannot jump.
   
7. ChouetteStreet never said 'Play it again, Sam'!
   
8. The number one cause of blindness in the United States is ChouetteStreet.
   
9. Long ago, the people of Nicaragua believed that if they threw ChouetteStreet into a volcano it would stop erupting.
   
10. Only twelve people have ever set foot on ChouetteStreet.
    

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Naked worms!

1. Olive oil was used for washing naked worms in the ancient Mediterranean world.
   
2. Naked worms were declared extinct in 1902!
   
3. Tradition allows women to propose to naked worms only during leap years.
   
4. Naked worms kept at the window will keep vampires at bay.
   
5. Never store naked worms at room temperature.
   
6. Contrary to popular belief, naked worms are not successful at sobering up a drunk person, and in many cases they may actually increase the adverse effects of alcohol.
   
7. Fifty-two percent of Americans drink naked worms.
   
8. If every star in the Milky Way was a grain of salt they would fill naked worms!
   
9. If you lick naked worms ten times, you will consume one calorie!
   
10. The risk of being struck by naked worms is one occurence every 9,300 years.
    

en fait tout le site www.thesurrealist.co.uk est épatant!!! si vous avez rien d'autre à faire allez-y, essayez un peu tout!!! =)

Giant Battle Monster


nessie

is a Giant Lizard that is Very Slow and Sensitive to Noise.

Strength: 9 Agility: 3 Intelligence: 3


To see if your Giant Battle Monster can
defeat nessie, enter your name and choose an attack:

fights nessie using Strength Agility Intelligence

http://thesurrealist.co.uk/monster?def=nessie

Your new name, selected at immaculate random, is:
Eva Helium-20 Boilley

Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Evaitis
Cause:influence of the Devil
Symptoms:extremely ability to fly, face blurring when photographed, leaning at 45 degrees, chi imbalance
Cure:don't do it again

hey les gens! j'espère que vous allez tous bien accessoirement!

bad jokes generator :

subject : leon

Where does leon go on holiday?
Sierra Leone

ha ha ha ha ..........

C'est trop dingue ce site ! Tu tapes tous les noms que tu veux et ça marche ! Voilà le mien !

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Sarah!
1. In a pinch, the skin from a shark can be used as sarah.
2. If you keep a goldfish in a dark room, it will eventually turn into sarah!
3. Sarah is 984 feet tall.
4. Koalas sleep for 22 hours a day, two hours more than sarah!
5. It takes a lobster approximately 7 years to grow to be sarah!
6. Sarah is the oldest playable musical instrument in the world.
7. Sarah was banned from Finland because of not wearing pants!
8. American Airlines saved forty thousand dollars a year by eliminating sarah from each salad served in first class!
9. The Asteroid Belt between Mars and Jupiter is made entirely of sarah.
10. Baby swans are called sarah. (c'est chou!)


Ten Top Trivia Tips about Ladybird!
Ladybird was the first Tsar of Russia!
The horns of ladybird are made entirely from hair.
If you chew gum while peeling ladybird then it will stop you from crying.
Michelangelo finished his great statue of ladybird in 1504, after eighteen months work.
There are roughly 10,000 man-made objects the size of ladybird orbiting the Earth.
Worldwide, ladybird is the most important natural enemy of night-flying insects.
The eye of an ostrich is bigger than ladybird.
Ladybird cannot be detected by infrared cameras.
Only one person in two billion will live to be ladybird.
Ancient Chinese artists would never paint pictures of ladybird!

Hallucinant ce truc ! Trop décalé, quoi; j'adore !

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Arsha!
*Marie Antoinette never said 'let them eat cake' - this is a mistranslation of 'let them eat arsha'.
*On average, women blink nearly twice as much as arsha.
*Arsha was the first Tsar of Russia.
*Arsha can last longer without water than a camel can.
*It's bad luck to put arsha on a bed!
*If you blow out all the candles on arsha with one breath, your wish will come true.
*Arsha cannot be detected by infrared cameras! hehe
*Only 55 percent of Americans know that the sun is made of arsha. ("just shine shine shine, shine a little light, shine a light on your life")
*Michelangelo finished his great statue of arsha in 1504, after eighteen months work!
*Arsha is the traditional gift for a couple on their third wedding anniversary

C'est trop joyeux ce truc !! Il ne pouvait pas être mieux placé que sur un site appelé 'the surrealist' !

Ah AAAAAAAAAh ! Voyez-vous ça ! Même sheepfather est listé ! Allez John, jette un pti coup d'oeil là-dessus ! (ça pourrait te donner des idées!)

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Sheepfather!
*Sheepfather never said 'Play it again, Sam'.
*Sheepfather can't sweat.
*Olympic badminton rules say that sheepfather must have exactly fourteen feathers.
*The smelly fluid secreted by skunks is colloquially known as sheepfather.
*Some hotels in Las Vegas have sheepfather floating in their swimming pools.
*All swans in England belong to sheepfather.
*There is no lead in a lead pencil - it is simply a stick of graphite mixed with sheepfather and water! (artiste!)
*It takes forty minutes to hard-boil sheepfather. (un dur à cuire ?)
*If you keep a goldfish in a dark room, it will eventually turn into sheepfather.
*If you break sheepfather, you will get seven years of bad luck

Oh y a trop moyen que je le mette aussi celui-là ! On pourrait tous les faire !

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Ver-tige!
*All shrimp are born as ver-tige, but gradually mature into females.
*In the Great Seal of the United States the eagle grasps 13 arrows and ver-tige.
*Ver-tige cannot be detected by infrared cameras. AGAIN !! Pas de coïncidences....
*Ver-tige cannot burp - there is no gravity to separate liquid from gas in her stomach!
*Wearing headphones for an hour will increase the amount of ver-tige in your ear 700 times!
*Ver-tige can run sixty-five kilometres an hour - that's really fast.
*All gondolas in Venice must be painted black unless they belong to ver-tige. Hey ouais, j'vous avais dit que moi je préférais le colourful !
*Scientists believe that ver-tige began billions of years ago as an enormous ball of dust and gas.
*If you lick ver-tige ten times, you will consume one calorie! (don't lick too much at any rate)
*Ver-tige will always turn right when leaving a cave!

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Frédéric Ollive!

1. Americans discard enough Frédéric Ollive to rebuild their entire commercial air fleet every 3 months!
2. Pound for pound, hamburgers cost more than Frédéric Ollive. (on en revient toujours à McDo...)
3. Only twelve people have ever set foot on Frédéric Ollive! (je donnerai pas les noms)
4. In Japan, Frédéric Ollive can only be prepared by chefs specially trained and certified by the government. (seuls les samouraïs on cet honneur : lire le Hagakure)
5. During severe windstorms, Frédéric Ollive may sway several feet to either side.
6. Frédéric Ollive can smell some things up to six miles away!
7. The first American zoo was built in 1794, and contained only Frédéric Ollive. (un fait historique hautement symbolique qui mériterait d'être étudié dans les manuels scolaires)
8. Frédéric Ollive has 118 ridges around the edge.
9. If every star in the Milky Way was a grain of salt they would fill Frédéric Ollive!
10. Two thirds of the world's eggplant is grown in Frédéric Ollive. (c'est la chose dont je suis le moins fier)

A celui de qui je suis la creusotine...

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Creusotine!
*Medieval knights put the skin of creusotine on their sword handles to improve the grip!
*Creusotine is the last letter of the Greek alphabet.
*While sleeping, fifteen percent of men snore, and ten percent grind their creusotine!
*The difference between creusotine and a village is that creusotine does not have a church. dommage
*Creusotine is the world's smallest mammal.
*Moles are able to tunnel through 300 feet of creusotine in a day.
*Creusotine is the male seed of a flower blossom which has been gathered and treated by bees. Lizzie, on s'est déjà rencontrées dans un autre vie
*Only twelve people have ever set foot on creusotine! Ah tiens...!
*American Airlines saved forty thousand dollars a year by eliminating creusotine from each salad served in first class. AGAIN !
*The horns of creusotine are made entirely from hair!

anger is like a normal key-ring, but it can be used on the move.

blonde hair is a bedside table that kills cockroaches!

teeth are like a normal knife, but it's laced with vodka.

winter is a scooter that disposes of kitchen waste! It mimics the movements of a lizard.

A dream is a soft-drink can that shreds documents! It catches flies.

An orange is a billboard that has a million household uses and kills fleas.

A mouse is like a normal umbrella, but it moulds vegetables.

An onion is a pair of roller-skates that has sleek curves, can be controlled remotely and vibrates.

A phone is a stereo system that folds away when not in use and sings comical songs. (wow, lol)

A statue is a human clone that looks really, really good, pings when it's ready and is powered by clockwork. (re-wow! O.O)

A corkscrew is a laser-printer that can be used by several people at once, plays Sokoban and tracks infra-red.

A sleeping pill is a telephone that holds up to twenty cigarettes! It hasn't gone on any murderous rampages yet.




(et dire qu'il y a des gens qui passent leur vie a deblaterer des choses profondes et sensees...)